Tuesday, March 13, 2012

So, typically I don't like to publicly be a downer or a whiney girl about relationships, but lately I am a little FED UP! Why is it that people can not just be honest about how they feel? Why do we play games? Are we not all adults? Why do we feel the need to test people or play with their emotions. Correct me if I am wrong here, but aren't we suppose to say what you mean and mean what you say? So why then are people so wrapped up in playing the infinite relationship game? Maybe it is just me, but I am honest about how I feel. I am up front about it. If I like you I say so, if I don't you know it, and if I wanna be just friends....I make it clear. So I suppose I am asking can someone please explain to me why everyone is not like this?! Wouldn't it make relationships so much easier? Instead we have men posing as friends in the hopes of getting close to us and becoming more.  Even though we have repeatedly said that is not an option. Then on the other end of the spectrum we have men and women who don't specify what they want at all. All this does is lead people to walk around confused and misunderstood.

Recently I was involved with a man who told me to keep things light, date other people, not commit or be exclusive. This was what he was saying he wanted....yet, when I admit to dating someone else and staying the night (not sex) with this person he says he can't be with me. He bailed. Called off the relationship and was done. I asked how I was suppose to know he had feelings for me and wanted to be with me....apparently I WAS SUPPOSE TO SEE IT! Well how is that possible if you are saying one thing and expecting another. I feel like this was a test and to me a test is just another word for a game. Needless to say I am MAD and CONFUSED. I really liked this guy. And Im left feeling stumped...even as a Sociology major could I have been missing all the signs? or was he just trying to have his cake and eat it to? This confusion and regret leaves me unable to "move on"....The relationship could have been great there was a real connection there yet, the wicked and foolish games we play got in the way. Everything could have been prevented if he had been as honest and up front as I was. I had even specifically asked to define the relationship and this was not an option. Yes this may all be boiled down to different views on relationships and miscommunication, however why is it that we put guards up and play games when at the end of the day it always ends up being destructive?!?! I just do not understand...Now don't get me wrong I am not saying we should all wear our hearts on our sleeves, but I do think we need to be honest about how we are feeling to cut down on the drama! We all claim to hate drama yet we are all the ones creating it with our hidden agendas, shut off emotions, miscommunication and lies...

This desire for honesty reminds me of a scene from one of my favorite movies..."For Love of the Game"when Jane and Billy are at dinner she tells him that people should just walk around with signs telling everyone else how they are feeling and what they want...if you were rich it could be hammered out of tin if you're poor it could be on cardboard, but they would say things like "I'm shallow" or "bad kisser" "I like you" etc etc....and now after this situation I am starting to completely agree with Jane. We need honesty and we need it badly.

Also with this is the idea of lying....we all grow up learning to be honest... "ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH" yet lately, people do not want the truth...instead it seems that telling the truth bites me in the butt every time. I am not seeing why people lie so much. If every time you do the right thing and speak the truth it blows up in your face, what is the point in being honest? It as if there is no reward in being a good person anymore. This is a sad reality.

So I guess in closing I am just confused as to what is the point in being honest if it seemingly does not matter anymore. And yet, my honesty was not rewarded but I cling to it thinking "well at least I was an honest and decent person" but at the end of the day that still doesn't change the fact that it royally blew up in my face!


In the end... I found song by chance that seemingly speaks to all of this....enjoy the lyrics....

"This Love (Will Be Your Downfall)"


Who are we to be emotional?
Who are we to play with hearts and throw away it all?
Oh, who are we to turn each other's heads?
Who are we to find ourselves in other people's beds?

Oh, I don't like the way I never listen to myself
I feel like I'm on fire, I'm too shy to cry for help
Oh, I don't think you know me much at all

This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall

I'm feeling down about this love

Who are you to make me feel so good?
Who are we to tell ourselves that we're misunderstood?
Oh, who am I to say I'm always yours?
Who am I to choose the boy that everyone adores?
Oh, I don't see a reason why we can't just be apart
We're falling on each other like we're always in the dark
Oh, I don't think you know me much at all, at all

This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
(At all)

This love is not what you want
This heart will never be yours
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall


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