Tuesday, March 13, 2012

So, typically I don't like to publicly be a downer or a whiney girl about relationships, but lately I am a little FED UP! Why is it that people can not just be honest about how they feel? Why do we play games? Are we not all adults? Why do we feel the need to test people or play with their emotions. Correct me if I am wrong here, but aren't we suppose to say what you mean and mean what you say? So why then are people so wrapped up in playing the infinite relationship game? Maybe it is just me, but I am honest about how I feel. I am up front about it. If I like you I say so, if I don't you know it, and if I wanna be just friends....I make it clear. So I suppose I am asking can someone please explain to me why everyone is not like this?! Wouldn't it make relationships so much easier? Instead we have men posing as friends in the hopes of getting close to us and becoming more.  Even though we have repeatedly said that is not an option. Then on the other end of the spectrum we have men and women who don't specify what they want at all. All this does is lead people to walk around confused and misunderstood.

Recently I was involved with a man who told me to keep things light, date other people, not commit or be exclusive. This was what he was saying he wanted....yet, when I admit to dating someone else and staying the night (not sex) with this person he says he can't be with me. He bailed. Called off the relationship and was done. I asked how I was suppose to know he had feelings for me and wanted to be with me....apparently I WAS SUPPOSE TO SEE IT! Well how is that possible if you are saying one thing and expecting another. I feel like this was a test and to me a test is just another word for a game. Needless to say I am MAD and CONFUSED. I really liked this guy. And Im left feeling stumped...even as a Sociology major could I have been missing all the signs? or was he just trying to have his cake and eat it to? This confusion and regret leaves me unable to "move on"....The relationship could have been great there was a real connection there yet, the wicked and foolish games we play got in the way. Everything could have been prevented if he had been as honest and up front as I was. I had even specifically asked to define the relationship and this was not an option. Yes this may all be boiled down to different views on relationships and miscommunication, however why is it that we put guards up and play games when at the end of the day it always ends up being destructive?!?! I just do not understand...Now don't get me wrong I am not saying we should all wear our hearts on our sleeves, but I do think we need to be honest about how we are feeling to cut down on the drama! We all claim to hate drama yet we are all the ones creating it with our hidden agendas, shut off emotions, miscommunication and lies...

This desire for honesty reminds me of a scene from one of my favorite movies..."For Love of the Game"when Jane and Billy are at dinner she tells him that people should just walk around with signs telling everyone else how they are feeling and what they want...if you were rich it could be hammered out of tin if you're poor it could be on cardboard, but they would say things like "I'm shallow" or "bad kisser" "I like you" etc etc....and now after this situation I am starting to completely agree with Jane. We need honesty and we need it badly.

Also with this is the idea of lying....we all grow up learning to be honest... "ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH" yet lately, people do not want the truth...instead it seems that telling the truth bites me in the butt every time. I am not seeing why people lie so much. If every time you do the right thing and speak the truth it blows up in your face, what is the point in being honest? It as if there is no reward in being a good person anymore. This is a sad reality.

So I guess in closing I am just confused as to what is the point in being honest if it seemingly does not matter anymore. And yet, my honesty was not rewarded but I cling to it thinking "well at least I was an honest and decent person" but at the end of the day that still doesn't change the fact that it royally blew up in my face!


In the end... I found song by chance that seemingly speaks to all of this....enjoy the lyrics....

"This Love (Will Be Your Downfall)"


Who are we to be emotional?
Who are we to play with hearts and throw away it all?
Oh, who are we to turn each other's heads?
Who are we to find ourselves in other people's beds?

Oh, I don't like the way I never listen to myself
I feel like I'm on fire, I'm too shy to cry for help
Oh, I don't think you know me much at all

This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall

I'm feeling down about this love

Who are you to make me feel so good?
Who are we to tell ourselves that we're misunderstood?
Oh, who am I to say I'm always yours?
Who am I to choose the boy that everyone adores?
Oh, I don't see a reason why we can't just be apart
We're falling on each other like we're always in the dark
Oh, I don't think you know me much at all, at all

This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
(At all)

This love is not what you want
This heart will never be yours
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall
This love is be and end all
This love will be your downfall


Sunday, March 11, 2012

la de la de laaaaa... LAW schools....

Well,
I feel like today just needs to be a day to talk about the upcoming horizons of my life...one of these key factors being...LAW SCHOOL!!!! eeeep I'm nervous.

So here are the statistics...

Applied: 17 Schools - January 28th, 2012
Accepted: 8 Schools
Scholarships awarded: 50% to Faulkner, $29,000 to Charlotte, and $11,000 per year to John Marshall
Waitlisted: 1 School ...NOT A FAN OF THIS OPTION
Awaiting Decision: 6 Schools
Denied: 2 Schools

Top choices right now: Mercer, Louisville, Charlotte

All of that being said, I must admit I am beginning to not only be anxious but overwhelmed. At first knowing I had actually applied was such a relief, but lately it is nerve racking. I am still awaiting decisions from 6 schools, 7 if you include the wait listed school...(which that is a ball of issues in itself); this waiting game is just driving me insane. I want to start visiting campuses yet I can't until I know which schools have even accepted me. The other issue is waiting on scholarship awards. This is nerve racking because so far Charlotte is still on the list because they have offered me almost full tuition. I do not want to pick a school merely based on money...so I am sitting back and hoping other schools give me at least something ....especially Mercer or Louisville since I like them so much more than Charlotte. I am also waiting to see if Charleston or Elon offer me any aid....this waiting game is just a big waste of time. I have to submit my seat reservation to a school by the middle of April, yet some schools have had my application "in review" for over a month now. You would think that after being a navy brat and a navy wife I would be use to this waiting game....BUT admittedly I am NOT. Which brings me to another point....why when we want something does it take soooo long to happen?!?! It seems like this waiting is just dragging on because I am so anxious about it. However, when it is something we don't want, let's say a deployment or impending bad news time seems to fly by?!?! Is this the world's way teaching us patience? If so the world has a sick sense of education.

I suppose for now I must still just sit and wait ....

For all my BIG E wives, know that I am sorry deployment crept up so quickly. I am here for you if you need me. I pray for your sake that deployment is not as much of a waiting game as these law school decisions....hopefully it flies by :)

Well that is all for now I suppose....keep your fingers crossed for me

xoxo
Mere

Monday, January 16, 2012

What's in a Name?

YAY!!!!Yippee...I have a Blog...ummm Now What???
I have a blog, but now I'm not really sure what to do. Or say? I mean do I vent about the crappy day I had? Or how stressed out I am? Or discuss my infinite love of Disney Princess movies?!?!





 All of these seem plausible topics to me.
I suppose I should start at the beginning, tell you the basics about me, and maybe even explain the name of my blog....yes, that sounds like a swell place to start.

Well here are some quick stats about me....that most of you may or may not know!


  •  My name is Meredith... which means guardian of the Sea (pretty cool if you ask me)
  • I am 23 years old 
  •  I live for school. I am a complete nerd, and I LOVE that fact about me.
  •  I am the oldest of 5 and adore being a big sister. It 1. allows me to still have an excuse to watch "childish" TV programs 2. taught me lessons of responsibility and consistent love and 3. keeps me young at heart (while sometimes making my hair prematurely grey) 
  • I am applying to law school, a dream I have had since I was 9 even if it was only recently rediscovered.
  • I am a navy brat. 
  • I am also a Navy Wife....well sort of...
  • I love dogs!
  • My favorite color is Mint Green....
  • I love many different movies; ranging from Audrey Hephburn in the classics, Molly Ringwald in the 80's, historic/ action films, and crazy werewolf/ Vampire films like Underworld
  • I listen to many types of music, but my favorites right now are The Civil Wars, Florence and the Machine, and Ben Harper.
  • My favorite sports are Baseball and NCAA Football(ROLL TIDE ROLL)
I think that covers all of the basics.  I'm overall your very typical/ average girl next door.

As for the title of my blog....I absolutely adore the Jimmy Eat World song entitled "Hear You Me" it is a beautiful yet sort of sad song. The lyrics have always spoken to me. So I think for the time being I will just post the lyrics and you can take from it what you want....maybe eventually Ill explain further but for now I think the lyrics will speak for themselves. Enjoy!

"There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in. 
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in."





xoxo, 
Meredith

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